Tradition vs. Modernization of Marital Relations in the South Asian Diaspora

Tradition vs. Modernization

Of Marital Relations in the South Asian Diaspora

            Arranged Marriage, written by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni in 1995, is a book of short stories demonstrating the conflicts between traditional and modern life in South Asian society, as well as for South Asians living abroad. While the majority of stories in this compilation, such as “The Disappearance,” seem to be against arranged marriages or portray the negative consequences of arranged marriages, there are others, such as “Clothes,” that demonstrates the reality of the situation, but also depicts some of the more positive aspects. Divakaruni, who is aware of the expectations of a woman’s place in society according to the Dharma Shastra, demonstrates the difficulty of unifying Western ideas with traditional values in South Asia and its Diaspora.

            Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, author and poet, is currently a Creative Writing professor at the University of Houston. She was born in Calcutta, India and moved to the United States at the age of 19 to pursue her educational career. Most of her work is partially autobiographical, based on her experiences as a woman of color in the United States, but she also writes about the experiences of other immigrant women she has had close contact with. The Arranged Marriage compilation is based on the stories of the some of the women in Maitri, a women’s group founded by Divakaruni. According to Time Magazine, “The Indian experience in America — and the conflict between the traditions of her homeland and the culture of her adopted country — is the focus of much of Divakaruni's writing, and it has made her an emerging literary celebrity” (Chitra, 1). This is exemplified in her compilation of short stories in Arranged Marriage. While the stereotypes of typical South Asian arranged marriages are represented in “The Disappearance, Divakaruni portrays a contrasting view in “Clothes”.

            The majority of conflict between Western ideas and traditional values in South Asian society stems from the Dharma Shastra, an ancient code of conduct in Brahmanic Hinduism. This document is a commentary on the structure of society and how one’s position in society determines how they should interact with others. The Dharma Shastra is very objectifying of women’s roles in society and the way they should be treated by men.

            These ideas are demonstrated in “The Disappearance,” a short story about a young woman who suddenly disappears from her husband’s life, without a trace, one evening. From reading the story, one can make the assumption that the woman left because she was tired of her living conditions and the way her husband treated her. Her husband claims, “He let her have her way, indulged her, even” (Divakaruni, 172). However, he plainly contradicts himself shortly afterwards, stating, “…he had to put his foot down, like when she wanted to get a job, or go back to school, or buy American clothes” (172). The husband deeply believes it’s his duty to protect his wife and keep her shielded from the evils of society. He also sees himself as the ruler in the home and that she must do whatever he wants. For example, he goes on to discuss their sex life: “that was another area where he’d had to be firm. Sex” (Divakaruni, 172). He basically rapes his wife whenever he wants because he believes it is his right to have her whenever he wants her. One can see this through the statement, “Surely he couldn’t be blamed for raising his voice at those times…or for grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her to bed, like he did that last night” (Divakaruni, 172).  The husband in this story is very traditional in his beliefs on a woman’s role in society and marriage.

            Devakaruni contrasts this mentality in “Clothes”. Although the conflict between South Asian and American culture is very prominent in this story, there is also a much more positive portrayal an arranged marital relationship between men and women. “Clothes” is the story of Sumita, a young Bengali woman from India, whose marriage is arranged to Somesh Sen, a convenience store owner in California, and as a result she travels to the United States, only to experience heartbreak and a questionable future at the sudden death of her husband.

            The story begins with Sumita being displayed at her “bride viewing”. Sumita hits upon a very significant idea in Hindu beliefs when she thinks back to what her mother told her: “A married woman belongs to her husband, her in-laws” (Divakaruni, 19). This idea which objectifies women comes from the Dharma Shastra. It is stated in chapter nine, verse two of the Dharma Shastra that “Day and night women must be kept in dependence by the males (of) their (families)…” (The Laws of Manu, 9.2). The Shastra goes on to make it clear that ‘a woman is never fit for independence” (The Laws of Manu, 9.3). These ideologies make it seem as if a woman is incapable of handling her own life. She must be in constant dependence of someone; otherwise she will become wayward and unmanageable. Sumita mentions the sari her father bought for the bride viewing. This sari, which she claims is “a sari that could change one’s life” (Divakaruni, 19), is meant to make her look beautiful and desirable, therefore her father would have an easier time “selling” his daughter to Somesh’s family. Sumita is given by her father to Somesh’s family so she is now dependent on that household. The positive side to all of this is that Somesh’s family, as they should, treats Sumita as a daughter. Although they are very traditional, they do not ill-treat or take advantage of Sumita in any way. They are very considerate of her feelings and seem to hold her in high regard, the same way her husband did.

            Somesh’s character is somewhat unlike the majority of the male characters portrayed in the other short stories in Arranged Marriage. Somesh is a more sympathetic character than most. His attitude toward his marriage can be seen as both traditional and modern at the same time. Somesh does not objectify his wife or treat her as a fragile, naive woman the way many Indian husbands do in this book. He truly seems to adore his wife and unselfishly wants what is best for her. Unlike the husband in “The Disappearance,” who forced his wife to have sex whenever he wanted, Somesh was respectful of Sumita’s fears and offered to wait until she was ready. Somesh wanted Sumita to attend college and work outside the home. This is an idea that can be very foreign to many traditional Indian men. In “The Disappearance,” the husband made it a requirement that the woman he marries have enough education to impress his friends, but she must not further her education or work outside the home after marriage. Somesh also buys Sumita American style clothing, something the husband from “The Disappearance” would never dream about doing. As in most cases, Somesh’s traditional view on his relationship with his parents comes first. He does not allow Sumita to wear the American-style clothing in front of his parents. Understandably, he does not want to offend his parents in any way.

            Being torn between being good Indian children and the need for independence seems to be the greatest cultural conflict for Sumita and Somesh.  Sumita claims, “Where even in our bed we kiss guiltily…” (Divakaruni, 26). This makes it seem as if the couple is morally ashamed of the romantic nature of their relationship. Sumita desperately wants to move out of the apartment, but feels ashamed for wanting this. She thinks, “We must be patient. I know that. Tactful, loving children. That is the Indian way” (Divakaruni, 26). Although she wants to leave, one can make the assumption that it is not because of internal family strife, but out of the desire for privacy. Somesh is more traditional in this aspect of his life, as he refuses to leave his parents without making sure they are 100 percent secure. He states “I am their life…they’ve always been there for me when I needed them. I could never abandon them at some old people’s home” (Divakaruni, 26). Sumita, because of this, feels it’s more of her dream, than it is his, to leave. Despite this, there does not seem to be any major conflict in their marital relationship. One could even make the assumption that Sumita and Somesh were falling in love with each other. However, as things are looking up for the couple, the ability of being on their own within reach, Somesh is killed.

             At Somesh’s death, Sumita must make a final decision on whether she will succumb to tradition and return home or if she will follow her dream of being independent and running her own life in the United States. Despite her sudden loss and unforeseeable future, Sumita develops remarkable strength and realizes she cannot return to a land where she will be among the “widows in white saris…bowing their veiled heads, serving tea to in-laws” (Divakaruni, 33). While she knows she will have to face pressure and frustration for her decision, Sumita, most importantly becomes at peace with herself, knowing she made the right decision.

            Divakaruni’s demonstration of the complexity of combining Western thoughts and ideals with traditional South Asian values is very informative and provides significant insight into a world where there is very little uniformity between Eastern and Western beliefs. The women, for the most part, in Arranged Marriage, are portrayed as strong and overcoming of the boundaries set for them as married women in society. In “The Disappearance,” the wife leaves her unhappy marriage for something that is unknown to the reader, and maybe even also to her. In “Clothes,” Sumita is left alone at the death of her husband, but she also makes the decision to remain in California and face the rest of her life as an independent woman. The purpose of Devakaruni’s portrayal of women in these situations is to exhibit the struggle for freedom and independence of immigrant South Asian women in a society where Westernized ideas and traditional values do not blend well.

Works Cited

 “Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.” Time. 2000.

            india/chitra.html (29 May 2005).

Divakaruni, Chitra Banerjee. Arranged Marriage. New York: Anchor Books, 1995.

The Laws of Manu Tr. George Buhler. New York: Dover, 1969.

The Laws of Manu. Tr. Wendy Doniger. New York: Penguin, 1991.