Tradition vs. Modernization of Marital Relations in the South Asian Diaspora

Tradition vs. Modernization

Of Marital Relations in the South Asian Diaspora

            Arranged Marriage, written by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni in 1995, is a book of short stories demonstrating the conflicts between traditional and modern life in South Asian society, as well as for South Asians living abroad. While the majority of stories in this compilation, such as “The Disappearance,” seem to be against arranged marriages or portray the negative consequences of arranged marriages, there are others, such as “Clothes,” that demonstrates the reality of the situation, but also depicts some of the more positive aspects. Divakaruni, who is aware of the expectations of a woman’s place in society according to the Dharma Shastra, demonstrates the difficulty of unifying Western ideas with traditional values in South Asia and its Diaspora.

            Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, author and poet, is currently a Creative Writing professor at the University of Houston. She was born in Calcutta, India and moved to the United States at the age of 19 to pursue her educational career. Most of her work is partially autobiographical, based on her experiences as a woman of color in the United States, but she also writes about the experiences of other immigrant women she has had close contact with. The Arranged Marriage compilation is based on the stories of the some of the women in Maitri, a women’s group founded by Divakaruni. According to Time Magazine, “The Indian experience in America — and the conflict between the traditions of her homeland and the culture of her adopted country — is the focus of much of Divakaruni's writing, and it has made her an emerging literary celebrity” (Chitra, 1). This is exemplified in her compilation of short stories in Arranged Marriage. While the stereotypes of typical South Asian arranged marriages are represented in “The Disappearance, Divakaruni portrays a contrasting view in “Clothes”.

            The majority of conflict between Western ideas and traditional values in South Asian society stems from the Dharma Shastra, an ancient code of conduct in Brahmanic Hinduism. This document is a commentary on the structure of society and how one’s position in society determines how they should interact with others. The Dharma Shastra is very objectifying of women’s roles in society and the way they should be treated by men.

            These ideas are demonstrated in “The Disappearance,” a short story about a young woman who suddenly disappears from her husband’s life, without a trace, one evening. From reading the story, one can make the assumption that the woman left because she was tired of her living conditions and the way her husband treated her. Her husband claims, “He let her have her way, indulged her, even” (Divakaruni, 172). However, he plainly contradicts himself shortly afterwards, stating, “…he had to put his foot down, like when she wanted to get a job, or go back to school, or buy American clothes” (172). The husband deeply believes it’s his duty to protect his wife and keep her shielded from the evils of society. He also sees himself as the ruler in the home and that she must do whatever he wants. For example, he goes on to discuss their sex life: “that was another area where he’d had to be firm. Sex” (Divakaruni, 172). He basically rapes his wife whenever he wants because he believes it is his right to have her whenever he wants her. One can see this through the statement, “Surely he couldn’t be blamed for raising his voice at those times…or for grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her to bed, like he did that last night” (Divakaruni, 172).  The husband in this story is very traditional in his beliefs on a woman’s role in society and marriage.

            Devakaruni contrasts this mentality in “Clothes”. Although the conflict between South Asian and American culture is very prominent in this story, there is also a much more positive portrayal an arranged marital relationship between men and women. “Clothes” is the story of Sumita, a young Bengali woman from India, whose marriage is arranged to Somesh Sen, a convenience store owner in California, and as a result she travels to the United States, only to experience heartbreak and a questionable future at the sudden death of her husband.

            The story begins with Sumita being displayed at her “bride viewing”. Sumita hits upon a very significant idea in Hindu beliefs when she thinks back to what her mother told her: “A married woman belongs to her husband, her in-laws” (Divakaruni, 19). This idea which objectifies women comes from the Dharma Shastra. It is stated in chapter nine, verse two of the Dharma Shastra that “Day and night women must be kept in dependence by the males (of) their (families)…” (The Laws of Manu, 9.2). The Shastra goes on to make it clear that ‘a woman is never fit for independence” (The Laws of Manu, 9.3). These ideologies make it seem as if a woman is incapable of handling her own life. She must be in constant dependence of someone; otherwise she will become wayward and unmanageable. Sumita mentions the sari her father bought for the bride viewing. This sari, which she claims is “a sari that could change one’s life” (Divakaruni, 19), is meant to make her look beautiful and desirable, therefore her father would have an easier time “selling” his daughter to Somesh’s family. Sumita is given by her father to Somesh’s family so she is now dependent on that household. The positive side to all of this is that Somesh’s family, as they should, treats Sumita as a daughter. Although they are very traditional, they do not ill-treat or take advantage of Sumita in any way. They are very considerate of her feelings and seem to hold her in high regard, the same way her husband did.

            Somesh’s character is somewhat unlike the majority of the male characters portrayed in the other short stories in Arranged Marriage. Somesh is a more sympathetic character than most. His attitude toward his marriage can be seen as both traditional and modern at the same time. Somesh does not objectify his wife or treat her as a fragile, naive woman the way many Indian husbands do in this book. He truly seems to adore his wife and unselfishly wants what is best for her. Unlike the husband in “The Disappearance,” who forced his wife to have sex whenever he wanted, Somesh was respectful of Sumita’s fears and offered to wait until she was ready. Somesh wanted Sumita to attend college and work outside the home. This is an idea that can be very foreign to many traditional Indian men. In “The Disappearance,” the husband made it a requirement that the woman he marries have enough education to impress his friends, but she must not further her education or work outside the home after marriage. Somesh also buys Sumita American style clothing, something the husband from “The Disappearance” would never dream about doing. As in most cases, Somesh’s traditional view on his relationship with his parents comes first. He does not allow Sumita to wear the American-style clothing in front of his parents. Understandably, he does not want to offend his parents in any way.

            Being torn between being good Indian children and the need for independence seems to be the greatest cultural conflict for Sumita and Somesh.  Sumita claims, “Where even in our bed we kiss guiltily…” (Divakaruni, 26). This makes it seem as if the couple is morally ashamed of the romantic nature of their relationship. Sumita desperately wants to move out of the apartment, but feels ashamed for wanting this. She thinks, “We must be patient. I know that. Tactful, loving children. That is the Indian way” (Divakaruni, 26). Although she wants to leave, one can make the assumption that it is not because of internal family strife, but out of the desire for privacy. Somesh is more traditional in this aspect of his life, as he refuses to leave his parents without making sure they are 100 percent secure. He states “I am their life…they’ve always been there for me when I needed them. I could never abandon them at some old people’s home” (Divakaruni, 26). Sumita, because of this, feels it’s more of her dream, than it is his, to leave. Despite this, there does not seem to be any major conflict in their marital relationship. One could even make the assumption that Sumita and Somesh were falling in love with each other. However, as things are looking up for the couple, the ability of being on their own within reach, Somesh is killed.

             At Somesh’s death, Sumita must make a final decision on whether she will succumb to tradition and return home or if she will follow her dream of being independent and running her own life in the United States. Despite her sudden loss and unforeseeable future, Sumita develops remarkable strength and realizes she cannot return to a land where she will be among the “widows in white saris…bowing their veiled heads, serving tea to in-laws” (Divakaruni, 33). While she knows she will have to face pressure and frustration for her decision, Sumita, most importantly becomes at peace with herself, knowing she made the right decision.

            Divakaruni’s demonstration of the complexity of combining Western thoughts and ideals with traditional South Asian values is very informative and provides significant insight into a world where there is very little uniformity between Eastern and Western beliefs. The women, for the most part, in Arranged Marriage, are portrayed as strong and overcoming of the boundaries set for them as married women in society. In “The Disappearance,” the wife leaves her unhappy marriage for something that is unknown to the reader, and maybe even also to her. In “Clothes,” Sumita is left alone at the death of her husband, but she also makes the decision to remain in California and face the rest of her life as an independent woman. The purpose of Devakaruni’s portrayal of women in these situations is to exhibit the struggle for freedom and independence of immigrant South Asian women in a society where Westernized ideas and traditional values do not blend well.

Works Cited

 “Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.” Time. 2000.

            india/chitra.html (29 May 2005).

Divakaruni, Chitra Banerjee. Arranged Marriage. New York: Anchor Books, 1995.

The Laws of Manu Tr. George Buhler. New York: Dover, 1969.

The Laws of Manu. Tr. Wendy Doniger. New York: Penguin, 1991.

A Serendipitous Circumstance

Note: This one has been edited so many times...and it still feels very unfinished to me. So please don't disparage its incompleteness. I acknowledge it. Lol.

By chance I came across Him,
Hidden behind a wall of black.

Not once did I have think, we just clicked.
What drew me into the thoughts of this stranger?

Within conversations about saving the world,
Ambitions of glory were exposed.

Explanations of serendipity and circumstance abounded,
Thinly disguising the undeniable attraction.

 

Radiant Rose - A Compilation of Haiku

The radiant rose,
Sparkling like an uncut gem:
Behold her brilliance!

Velvety petals,
Sprouting from a thorny stem:
Beguiling temptress!



Enchanting sweetness,
Summer’s natural fragrance:
I consume her scent.



Basking in the warmth,
Tantalizing the senses:
Take my breath away!

I Want to Believe in You Again

Note: This is very different from my usual style. I do appreciate any and all feedback.

I want to believe in you again,
That we have a chance to be real again.
But baby as hard as I try,
There’s something there holding me back.
As much as I want to, as much as I need to,
When it comes to us, there’s no chance to relax.
When I think about you,
Can’t help but want to be on my back.
There’s something about you,
Drives this heat straight through my body.
This need to be with you,
This need to feel you inside me.
Always craving more,
The futility of it doesn’t escape me.
But as hard as I try,
I keep coming back.
Asking you to love me,
Desperate for commitment,
And yet seems I don’t give a fuck,
Unless it’s you in the end.
I want to believe in us again.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

I've been the harbinger of my own misfortune,
Ever since she told me.
It's become a self-fulfilling prophecy,
I can't help but fight your love for me.

Seems like I'm hell bent on self-sabotage,
All in the name of protecting myself.
I'm terrified of being hurt,
Yet I'm the one hurting myself.

I contemplate that so-called freedom often,
Forgetting that many is no comfort to me.
The truth is without you,
My life would be incredibly lonely.

I can't understand it,
It's your hello that makes me day.
Yet here I always am,
Subconciously pushing you away.

If I truly listen to myself,
I know I should believe you.
And if that's not enough darling,
I  can't help but love being loved by you.

If we're going to make it,
I need you to take my hand.
Give me something to hold on to,
So we can stop this self-fulfilling prophecy.

Gulbadan Begum's Account of the Mughal Harem

The image of the harem is often a sexualized one to those who have not been exposed to that sort of lifestyle. Hollywood films, works of fiction, and according to Ruby Lal, academic works, usually portray the harem as one in which young, beautiful women are locked away for a man’s pleasure. However, in the article, “Historicizing the Harem: The Challenge of a Princess’s Memoir,” Lal points out that if we look at the perspective or description of a woman who actually lived in a harem, such as Gulbadan Begum [Daughter of Babur, first Mughal Emperor of India], the image would be quite different. Gulbadan’s memoirs of her domestic life are very much unlike the descriptions of harems that ordinarily come to mind in that it shows the differences in ages and status of women in the harem, as well as the complexities of the relationships between men and the women in the harem and the understanding and involvement the royal women had with the world outside the harem.

In her article, Ruby Lal presents the sexualized image of the Mughal harem in the words of an academic account by K.S. Lal: “ ‘…the harem was not meant for the old and ailing. It was meant to be a bright place, an abode of the young and beautiful, an arbour of pleasure and retreat for joy’ ” (Lal, 592). Then she refers back to her opening statements which describe the type of women involved in the domestic life of the royal family in Gulbadan’s account. These included aunts, sisters, children, nurses, mothers, etc. The harem was the living quarters in which each woman’s place was determined by her relationship with the emperor. The harem was the living space for women. It was a place where they gathered, ate meals together, and where many important decisions regarding the royal family were made. For instance, Humayun’s [second Mughal emperor; brother of Gulbadan] wedding proposal, or rather demand, was accepted within the harem, not in public as his demand was made. It was within the harem in which Dildar Begum tried to convince the young woman, who Humayun chose to be his wife, to marry the emperor (Lal, 604). Therefore, it is obvious that more serious matters than beautifying oneself or fulfilling a man’s pleasure occurred in the harem.

In Gulbadan’s Humayun-nama, she shows the different types of relationships a man may have with the women of his harem. She, at the age of five, was a part of the royal harem, just as her mother, her elderly aunts, and other women of rank were. As one can see, the ages of women in the harem range from very young to old. There status in the harem depended on their relationship to the emperor, as well as their age. In Gulbadan’s description of how the tents were set up in Agra, the emperor’s mother had the highest rank, followed by his aunts and sisters (Lal, 591). Further into her memoir, Gulbadan discusses her brother Humayun’s visits to tents of the women of the royal family in Agra. He would visit the tents of his oldest relatives first, and as he visited each woman, his sisters and other women of rank also attended these meetings. Based on Gulbadan’s accounts, these visits seemed to be social gatherings with family members more so than anything else.

Gulbadan’s memoir of domestic life in the harem is much more of a familial arena than the romanticized one often portrayed to outsiders. Gulbadan, at the age of ten, lost her foster mother, who was the emperor’s mother as well as the woman who cared for her during mot of her early childhood. During her period of mourning, Gulbadan says, “I felt lonely and helpless […] His Majesty came several times to comfort me, and showed me sympathy and kindness” (Gulbadan, 5). Here is an example of the harem being a place of sorrow and loneliness, rather than pleasure and joy mentioned in K.S. Lal’s work, The Mughal Harem. It also shows the relationship between the Emperor Humayun and his sister. He goes to the harem to comfort her after the woman who was a mother to her passed away. In another instance, Humayun says, “You all should know that I have been to the quarters of the elder relations [female]. It is a necessity laid on me to make them happy” (Gulbadan, 8). Here Humayun visits his elderly female relatives in the harem to please them, rather than to gain pleasure for himself with beautiful young women. These two types of visits are rather different from the idea that men go to the harem mainly for sexual gratification.

The harem is also often portrayed as a place where women are locked away from and have no interest and/or contact with the rest of the world. However, Lal points out that the women of Akbar’s harem were not entirely locked away. In fact, at one point they were lead on the hajj by Gulbadan (Lal, 611). While it did not occur again, the point is that these royal women were able to go out into the world and perform their religious duty. Their sole purpose was not only to remain in the harem awaiting their men folk. In Gulbadan’s memoir, she shows that women knew about the political changes going on in their world, and in fact, did play a role in it. She was approached by the traitor Mirza Kamran to write a letter to his brother asking him to join Kamran’s campaign against the emperor (Gulbadan, 11). Gulbadan was also fully aware of the political strife and on-goings of the budding empire, despite her seclusion to the harem. As described by Gulbadan, the women in the royal harem were often involved in parties, meetings with their male relatives, etc. and did in fact have contact with the outside world.

As one can imagine, the daily life of the royal Mughal harem is much more intricate than the sexualized one portrayed in many other accounts of the harem. Taking an insider’s point of view, such as Gulbadan Begum’s account, can give an outsider a much more realistic picture of the harem and its dwellers. The Humayun-nama, written by Gulbadan, gives us glimpses of the differences in status of women, the important decisions made in the harem, the intricate relationships a man may have with different members of the harem, as well as the fact that women of the harem did in fact have contact with the and were involved in the world outside their quarters.

Works Cited

Gulbadan Begum. Humayun Nama.

Lal, Ruby. “Historicizing the Harem: The Challenge of a Princess’s Memoir.” Feminist Studies. 30.3 (2004): 590-616.

The Impact of Sufism on Early Women's Social Status

In general, the statement could be made that in Islam, men and women should be equal. After all in the Koran both sexes are addressed side by side. Sura thirty three states, “Men and women who have submitted, believed, […] Allah has prepared for [both of] them forgiveness and a great reward (Qur’an, 423). Thus, Sufism, the mystical branch of Islam, should be equally as accommodating to women as it is to men. However, it is commonly known that what is preached is not what is always practiced. According to Carl Ernst, professor of religious studies at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and current Director of the Carolina Center for the Study of the Middle East and Muslim Civilizations, “Outside of the United States or Western Europe, it is rare to find a Sufi order that accepts women as a matter of policy” (As-Sulami, 18). This is a general statement, and by no means tries to encompass all Sufi orders and all Sufi women. However, in the modern “Eastern” world it is unusual to find women at the head or even in the midst of a Sufi order. They are often marginalized as Qalandars, freewheeling Sufis, or as “hangers-on” of a Sufi shrine (As-Sulami, 19). This was not always the case. During the early stages, women played a large role in the development of Sufi thought and practice. While there are many who would keep the involvement of women in Sufism under wraps, Farid Ud-Din Attar, Persian Sufi poet, Abu Abd ar-Rahman as-Sulami, author of the Tabaqat as-Sufiyya, Bayazid Bistami, theoretical founder of the Malamati approach, Dho’n-Nun Mesri, a famous Egyptian shaykh, and Karbala’i, author of the Rawdhat al-Jenan, are among the advocates of their power and contribution. Through the hagiographies of early female Sufi saints, one can see how women were significant participants of and contributors to Islamic mysticism and because of this were able to overcome the limits placed on them by society.

The poet Farid Ud-Din Attar was a strong proponent of women on the Sufi path. He claimed, “The holy prophets have laid it down that ‘God does not look upon your outward forms.’ It is not the outward form that matters, but the inner purpose of the heart…” (Smith, 19). From this statement one can see that Attar believed a woman could achieve sainthood the same way that a man could. He did not see either sex as better than the other in the eyes of God.

Of the earliest female Sufi saints, Rabi’a Al-Adawiyya of Basra is often looked upon as the greatest female contributor to Islamic mysticism. The longest account of Rabi’a’s life and work is by the poet Farid Ud-Din Attar. In Attar’s hagiography of Rabi’a of Basra, she is portrayed as having more wisdom than any man or woman, and having achieved her status through faith and devotion to God. Rabi’a is most famous for introducing the concept of love, ishq, into Sufism. Many other female saints are often held in comparison to her. According to the story, Rabi’a was a slave girl who one day heard the voice of God. She began to fast and pray during all of her free time. One night her master saw her praying and saw a light above Rabi’a’s head which illuminated the entire room. Seeing her spirituality and devotion to God, he set Rabi’a free, realizing that there was something very special about her. After she gained her freedom, Rabi’a left the home of her master and went out into the world devoting the rest of her life to the love of God (Attar, 156+).

In this hagiography, it is easy to see how social conventions can be flipped over. Rabi’a’s master realized that even as a slave and a woman, Rabi’a was wiser than he. Rabi’a is often compared to or connected with Hasan of Basra, who is considered to be the forefather of Sufism. In many instances, Rabi’a is presented as having more wisdom than Hasan of Basra. For instance, in a famous tale between the two, Hasan floats on his prayer rug on the water, and in response Rabi’a floats on her prayer rug in the sky. It should be noted that she did not do this to outshine him. In fact, Rabi’a says “Master, what you did a fish can do, and what I did a fly can do. The real business is beyond both,” (Attar, 161). In this tale, Rabi’a is explaining to Hasan that the miracles they both perform are meaningless compared to what God can do. In another instance Hasan asks Rabi’a if she wants a husband. She responds, “The marriage knot can only tie one who exists. Where is existence here? I am not my own- I am his and under his command. You must ask permission from him,” and Hasan replies “O Rabi’a, by what means did you attain this degree?” (Attar, 162). This tale is very significant to Rabi’a’s role in society. First of all, as a woman of God, she does not have to marry if she chooses not to. She will not be looked down upon in the eyes of society. In fact, she is even revered by later Sufi scholars for not doing so. Secondly, in this dialogue between the two, one can interpret Hasan’s line to mean that Rabi’a is actually at a degree higher than Hasan himself on the path to God. In her hagiography Rabi’a performs many miracles and is portrayed as being wiser than the men of her time. An ordinary woman would be looked down upon for refusing marriage or attempting to out do a man in any aspect. However, because of her devotion to and as a saint of God she is highly respected by men and women across the centuries. Thus, it is not difficult to see why Rabi’a of Basra is almost always the first woman mentioned in a discussion of women in Sufism.

Abu ‘Abd ar-Rahman As-Sulami was a strong advocate of women’s contribution to Sufism. However, unlike Attar he saw a distinction between men and women. As-Sulami believed, “For Sufi women, it is their means to divine inspiration and the spiritual method that distinguishes them from their male Sufi colleagues” (As-Sulami, 54). As-Sulami saw these women as being servants of God. Their methods of devotion were different from that of men. In his book, Dhikr An-Niswa Al-Muta ‘Abbidar As Sufiyyat, As-Sulami discusses the accomplishments and feats of many great female Sufi saints.

Rabi’a of Syria, often confused with Rabi’a of Basra, is also a well-renowned female Sufi. Her first hagiography was written by as-Sulami in Dhikr An-Niswa Al-Muta ‘Abbidar As Sufiyyat. She is distinct from Rabi’a of Basra because she married, not once but twice, and was an incredibly wealthy woman in her own right. As-Sulami begins Rabi’a of Syria’s hagiography claiming, “Rabi’a was one of the great women of Syria. She was extremely rich and spent all of her wealth on Ahmad [ibn Abi al-Hawari] and his companions” (As-Sulami, 138). According to the story, Rabi’a of Syria asked Ahmad ibn Abi al-Hawari to marry her but he refused. Rabi’a wanted to marry Ahmad, not out of lust, but to donate her wealth to him and their fellow Muslims. She saw that as her act of charity on the path to attaining truth. Ahmad only accepted the proposal when his shaykh, Abu Sulayman, who was normally against marriage, told him, “O Ahmad, marry her, for this woman is one of the saints of God, and this is the speech of those who are sincere in their faith” (Smith, 170). This story proves two points. The first is that Rabi’a was devoted to God, and was not looking for a “real marriage”. As it is well known, being a Muslim, especially a Sufi, means being both pious and generous. Rabi’a wanted to give away her wealth and marrying Ahmad was the only way she felt she could do this. Unlike Rabi’a of Basra who never married because of her holy status, Rabi’a of Syria married out of charity and to protect herself from the unwanted attentions of men, and in doing so could also freely practice her faith as she pleases. This proves that married women could become saints as well, as long as they were reformed and on the right path. The second point is that even as a widow Rabi’a was a well respected woman by other Sufi masters of her time. They saw her piousness and devotion as saintliness.

Rabi’a of Syria was also known for her miracles. In one tale, a basin was brought to Rabi’a and she said, “Take that wash basin away from me! For I see written on it: ‘Harun [al-Rashid], the Commander of the believers has died” (As-Sulami, 138). It was later confirmed that Harun al-Rashid, the fifth Abbasid Caliph and ruler of the Arab world (Harun, 1), had truly died on that day. From this tale, it is clear that Rabi’a of Syria was well known for her clairvoyance. Sufis often consulted her for information on the mystical states one can experience on the path (Smith, 172). She was highly respected and valued in her community. Abu Talib, another important Sufi hagiographer, even stated, “Her [Rabi’a’s] position among the people of Syria was comparable to that of Rabi’a al-Adawiyya among the people of Basra” (Smith 173). Bing held in comparison with Rabi’a of Basra is a very honorable position.

Her husband, Ahmad, also stood in wonder of her, recognizing her wisdom and the fact that she was further on the path than he. Ahmed claimed, “I would become filled with awe and reverence whenever I gazed upon Rabi’a’s face […] when I was with my companions [men] discussing the effects of devotion in our circles of remembrance [dhikr], I never sensed this sort of awe” (Nurbakhsh, 83). This statement is very important. Her husband clearly points out that Rabi’a is so saintly, he gains more from looking at her, than from practicing dhikr with the other students in his order. It is important to note how highly Rabi’a is respected by her husband, as well as other prominent figures of her time. As an early Sufi saint, much like Rabi’a of Basra, Rabi’a of Syria was revered for her ascetic practices, miracles, and devotion to God.

Another very prominent Sufi saint is Fatima of Nishapur. According to her short hagiography, Fatima lived in Khorasan, but spent her life journeying between Mecca and Jerusalem, and died in 838 while performing the lesser pilgrimage (Nurbakhsh, 161+). She is recorded to have been in the company of Bayazid Bistami, the founder of the drunken Sufi approach, and Dho’n-Nun Mesri, a great Egyptian Sufi master (Helminksi, 1). Bistami is attributed to saying, ‘In all of my life I have seen only one true man and one true woman. The woman was Fatima of Nishapur” (As-Sulami, 20). Through this one could see that Bistami regarded Fatima as an exceptional woman, a woman who has risen above other woman and this is because of her devotion to God. Bistami goes on to say, “There was no station about which I told her that she [Fatima] had not already undergone” (Nurbakhsh, 162). Through this statement one can make the assumption that Bistami sees Fatima as an equal of his, or perhaps even a step above him on the path of God. She has made it to the highest level and thus attained unity with God. By saying this, Bistami has put Fatima in quite an honorable position. As a very important Sufi master who is traced back to by many orders in their silsila, Bistami’s opinion of Fatima has a substantial amount of weight.

There is another tale in which Dho’n-Nun was asked by another Sufi master, “Who, in your opinion, is the highest among the Sufis?” to which Dho’n-Nun replied, “A lady in Mecca called Fatima Nishapuri, whose discourse displayed a profound apprehension of the inner meanings of the Koran […] she is one of the saints of God and my teacher” (Nurbakhsh, 162). This statement shows how highly a woman could be respected. Dho’n-Nun, a famous Sufi master himself, is attributed to saying that Fatima is his teacher. In addition to this, As-Sulami makes it seem as though Fatima corrects Dho’n-Nun regularly (As-Sulami, 20).This is another excellent example of how a woman can rise above her role in society and is even considered wiser than a spiritual master himself. Through these two short tales of Fatima of Nishapur one can get the idea of just how highly a woman is esteemed for attaining the level she has. She utilizes the opportunity to journey the path to God and is not looked down upon. She is not viewed as a woman attempting to do something she is not capable of. In fact, in the eyes of Bistami, Dho’n-Nun, Al-Sulami, and many other prominent males, she is viewed as more accomplished than the men of her time, and thus this raises her status from a regular woman, to a wali, or friend of God.

Mama Esmat, while less known than Rabi’a of Basra, Rabi’a of Syria, and Fatima of Nishapur, is also considered a great Sufi saint. Her hagiography is written by Karbala’i, author of the Rawdhat al-Jenan. Mama Esmat was a woman from Asbost of whom even the nobility of her time respected (Nurbakhsh, 170). She was the daughter of Ahmad Asbosti, a member of the Ahari Sufi order, and tended to lean more towards the ecstatic or drunken Sufi approach. Mama Esmat is praised rather highly by Karbala’i in his account of her. “Mama Esmat was the queen of the Gnostic women of her time, highly acclaimed and deeply venerated for her saintliness among the company of the righteous. She had attained to exalted spiritual stations and experienced wondrous mystical states” (Nurbakhsh, 167). Much like the previous women discussed, Mama Esmat spent her days and nights enraptured in prayer. Her devotion and spirituality attracted people of all social classes. In one tale, Shekkar Khatun, the mother of Emperor Jahanshah, visited with Mama Esmat. Mama Esmat looked at Shekkar Khatun’s baby boy and predicted, “This boy of yours shall one day be a great king,” which he indeed became (Nurbakhsh, 170+). This tale shows how highly respected Mama Esmat was among the nobility of her time. She was often consulted for information on the mystical states, as well as sought for her miracles and uncanny psychic abilities. Mama Esmat is considered a highly acclaimed woman of her time in Turkey because of her devotion, asceticism, and spirituality.

Rabi’a of Basra, Rabi’a of Syria, Fatima of Nishapur, and Mama Esmat were all from the Eastern world, what is today Iraq, Iran, and Syria. Prominent Sufi men, such as ‘Attar, As-Sulami, and Bistami, were all advocates of their power and wisdom. However, the most important concept to note in this essay is that the spirituality and devotion of these women to the Sufi path is what helped them to overcome the bounds of society. Rabi’a of Basra, once a slave girl, became the most important female Sufi saint in history. She accomplished this through her resilient praying and devotion to God. Rabi’a of Syria was considered to be greater than any other woman of her time and comparable to that of Rabi’a of Basra. She was thought to be a saint of God, and thus higher than the women of her community, because of her ascetic practices and spirituality. Fatima of Nishapur and Mama Esmat were as highly respected because of their asceticism and devotion as well. All for of these women were regarded highly and considered valuable to their community. As early Sufi women, their contribution to Sufism was mainly due to ascetic practices rather than mystical practice. However, they were considered to be great women because of this. They were looked upon more highly than any other man or women in their respective communities. They were not looked down upon for crossing the limits placed upon a woman in society, but were rather praised and cherished for having the ability to overcome these boundaries. Shaykhs, husbands, and even royalty, were in awe of these women’s prowess and were not afraid to consider them masters and teachers of the faith. In every sense, these women were looked upon as truly equal to men, which proves that, in the early stages, Sufism was as equally accommodating to women as it was to men in the Eastern world.

Works Cited

An Interpretation of the Qur’an. Trans. Majid Fakry (New York: New York University Press, 2002).

As-Sulami, Abu ‘Abd ar-Rahman. Early Sufi Women. Trans. Rkia E. Cornell (Louisville: Fons Vitae, 1999).

‘Attar, Farid Ud-Din. “Rabi’a: Her Words and Life,” in Early Islamic Mysticism: Sufi, Qur’an, Mi’raj, Poetic, and Theological Writing. Ed. Michael Sells (New York: Paulist Press, 1996).

“Harun al-Rashid.” Columbia Encyclopedia. 6th ed. [Updated 2005; Cited 29 November 2005] Available from http://www.encyclopedia.com/html/H/HarunalR1.asp.

Helminski, Camille Adams. Women and Sufism. [Cited 29 November 2005]. Available from http://www.sufism.org/society/articles/women.html.

Nurbakhsh, Javad Dr. Sufi Women. Trans. Leonard Lewisohn (London: Khaniqahi Nimatullahi Publications, 1990).

Smith, Margaret. Rabi’a, The Life and Work of Rabi’a and Other Women Mystics in Islam. (Oxford: Oneworld Publications, 1994).

Rabi'a Al-Adawiyya's Poetry: A Tool of Communication

Rabi’a Al-Adawiyya, a prominent Sufi saint and proponent of Islamic mysticism, was among the first to introduce poetry as an expression in Sufism. It is important to note that the poems in Doorkeeper of the Heart are attributed to Rabi’a and it is not clear whether they were written by her (Upton, 7). Rabi’a’s poetry is fairly straightforward and easy to comprehend. When compared to other Sufi poets, her work might seem extremely simple. The translator of Doorkeeper of the Heart, Charles Upton, makes the claim that “If Rumi is the Ocean, Rabi’a is the Well […] Rabi’a has virgin clarity and undistracted focus” (Upton, 12). This simply means while other poets may offer variety in their work and multi-dimensional meanings of those works, Rabi’a presents her devotion to God clearly and does not hide behind the esoteric. This can be seen in two of her poems, selections 47 and 48, in Doorkeeper of the Heart. In these poems Rabi’a tries to communicate the main idea of Sufism: unity with God should be the ultimate goal. Her focus is that people should practice being a good person to achieve unity with God, not to do so out of the fear of hell or the desire of paradise.

Rabi’a’s use of simple language and the very prominent concept of Heaven and Hell in Islam are extremely helpful in understanding the focus of her work. She uses a very simple structure and does not hide her meaning behind metaphors. In other words, her work is short, but sweet and to the point. Rabi’a’s goal as a Sufi was to give up worldly want, remove the fear of hell and the desire of Heaven all for the love of God.The main idea in both of her poems is that God is all one needs. This idea is presented in selection 47.

Give the goods of this world to Your enemies-
Give the treasures of Paradise to Your friends-
But as for me- You are all I need (Upton, 47, lines 5-7).

These lines communicate Rabi’a’s beliefs plainly. Worldly possessions are what keeps one’s spirit limited to this earth, and thus cannot achieve oneness with God. The person is too caught up with material things to gain the ideal closeness with God. Paradise is something ordinary believers are after, seeing that as the end, but in reality the love of God is what they should be seeking. Her unambiguous writing style makes these ideas available to everyone. These ideas advocated by Rabi’a are not necessarily esoteric, but things that all believers should know and follow.

Rabi’a uses the same method of writing in both selections. She is very focused and adamant on getting her point across. There is no shyness and or sense of false modesty. Rabi’a boldly claims she will “set fire to heaven” (Upton, 43) and “put out the flames of Hell” (Upton, 43) so that those on the path to God will be enlightened as to what they should be searching for. She demands of God,

If I adore you out of fear of Hell, burn me in Hell!
If I adore you out of desire for Paradise,
Lock me out of Paradise (Upton, 42).

Her poems are written with strength and unwavering focus. Her language, though very simplistic, is incredibly powerful. Although I have stated above that these ideas are not necessarily esoteric, it does not mean that these ideals are easy to understand and apply. While knowing that one should love God simply for the sake of loving and being with him can easily be interpreted from Rabi’a’s poetry, doing so requires a greater knowledge and belief in God. This straightforward method is used to explain what one should want to achieve, not how to do so. Rabi’a’s stylistic techniques are an excellent tool for communicating the true goal of Sufism.

Both poems communicate the ultimate goal of Sufism, which is achieving oneness with God, very well. Selection 48 sums up Rabi’a’s main idea clearly.

I carry a torch in one hand
And a bucket of water in the other:
With these things I am going to set fire to Heaven
And put out the flames in Hell
So that voyagers to God can rip the veils
And see the real goal (Upton, 43).

In this poem she shows that those on the path to God should not be distracted by the notion of going to heaven or hell. They should focus solely on being united with God. For example in another selection in Doorkeeper to the Heart, Rabi’a is asked, “‘Rabi’a, Rabi’a- how do you see Paradise?’ ‘I see it like this: first the neighbor, then the house’” (Upton, 43). This can be interpreted to mean that Paradise, or Heaven is a part of your surroundings but it is not you. Your residence is with God, but you may meet the surroundings in which you ultimately reside first. This essentially leads to the conclusion that the main event is being with God and that loving God for this reason is what is most significant. As Rabi’a says in lines 12 through 13 in selection 47,

But if I adore You for Yourself alone,
Do not deny me Your Eternal Beauty (Upton, 42).

She is asking God to allow her to be with him once she loves him for who he is, not out of fear or for what he can provide her with. This idea is essential to Sufi thought, as well as the overall message of both selections.

While Rabi’a includes herself in both poems, claiming to know already that God is all she needs and what everyone else needs; it cannot be viewed as an act of egocentricity. She is literally seen as an excellent model to emulate and an advocate of good teachings. One can say for sure that she is not putting herself above becoming a victim to world possessions. For example, in selection 36 a rich merchant gives Rabi’a money to buy a new home, but she leaves the house immediately fearing that if she stays, she “would fall in love with that house” (Upton, 38). Her beliefs and ideas on loving God for himself may be due to her higher station, or maqam, but she is not above making the mistakes an ordinary believer would. This is very important because if she did she would be committing another mistake, seeing herself as better than others.

From reading and interpreting selections 47 and 48 by Rabi’a in Doorkeeper of the Heart, one can gain an understanding of the ultimate goal of Sufism. Both of these poems serve as a didactic tool for outsiders, or non-believers, and insiders, Sufis as well as those who may follow the “regular” path of Islam. A very straightforward style is used. These poems, as well as others in Doorkeeper of the Heart, showcase the most important goal of Sufism using very simple language, something that is quite different from other types of Sufi poetry. Incredibly powerful statements are made by Rabi’a stressing her desire for those on the path to God to realize “the real goal” (Upton, 43). The elements of heaven and hell are used to emphasize that people are focused on irrelevant matters in their search for truth. The most common Sufi beliefs are advocated: attaining unity with God and wanting to do so for the sake of being with him, not out of fear or desire for infinite happiness. Thus, these two poems by Rabi’a Al-Adawiyya are excellent examples of the goal of the Sufi path.

Works Cited

Upton, Charles. Doorkeeper of the Heart, Versions of Rabi’a. Vermont: Threshold Books, 1988.

No Tears Left For You, User

I have no tears left for you, user,
No more tears left to cry.
I am not shocked,
Merely confused as to why.

Why did I dream to believe you?
You’re a pathological liar.
There’s nothing left for you here, user,
Not even the Devil’s hell fire.

Keep an open heart you say,
It’s kind of hard to do.
Especially when one meets,
A depraved bastard such as you.

Lying through your teeth to me,
Just to get some on the phone.
No wonder no one wants to see you,
No doubt you’ll spend your life alone.

After all the times you used me,
And hung me out to dry.
I have no more tears left for you user,
No more tears left to cry.

The Elusive Summer Romance

“Hello, hello, hello! Wake up, wake up, wake up!” sang the alarm clock on the side of the bed. Sunlight poured through the huge bay window as the warm morning breeze meandered its way in and caressed Gina’s sleeping form. She groaned and pulled her quilt over her face. Did morning have to come so soon? She heard the water running in the bathroom and her mother yelling into her room it was time to wake up otherwise she’d miss her flight. Suddenly, it dawned on Gina what day it was. Not only was it the first day of the summer solstice, it was June 21st! The day Gina was supposed to leave for her first trip to London. It was the first time Gina was traveling to another country on her own, not to mention she was going to that wonderful city she had been begging her parents to go for years! How could I have forgotten? Gina wondered, lightly smacking her palm across her forehead. Gina bounded out of bed and raced into the shower. There was no way she was missing her flight to London!


An hour later, Gina was packed and settled in the front seat of her mother’s car, ready to go. She looked out at the lush new rose buds and the brightly blooming azaleas. A sea of color filled the flower beds her mother had worked so hard to plant in the spring. Gina loved the summertime for many reasons, and the bloom of beautiful, fragrant flowers was one of them. She watched her mother as she finished watering the plants and turned off the hose. I’m really going to miss her, but I’ll only be gone for the summer, Gina thought.


As her mother drove, Gina grew deeper in thought about all that awaited her. She had chosen to spend the summer in London, but could she really keep herself from growing homesick? What about my friends? I’m going to spend my entire vacation in a foreign country. Will I be able to meet knew people? Gina’s thoughts also wandered to the romantic end of the spectrum. She had not dated anyone in a long time. I wonder if I will find an English gentleman to sweep me off my feet. Perhaps I will meet some fancy British royal who will fall madly in love with me and we will engage in a wildly romantic summer fling, Gina thought and giggled to herself.


Thirty minutes later, Gina arrived at the airport, passport in hand and hair flying every which way as she struggled to lug her brand new hot pink suitcase and carry-on through the door. To make matters worse, the automatic door had jammed so she had to push it manually.

“Excuse me miss, can I help you with that?”


Gina, hearing the lilting northern English accent, spun around immediately and stared up into the emerald pools gazing down at her in a very amused fashion. Struggling, to regain her composure, Gina ran a hand through her wavy hair and smiled coolly.


“I’ve got it under control, thanks.” She turned back to her luggage, hoisted up the annoyingly large carry-on bag on to one shoulder and began rolling the suitcase toward the check-in desk. Completely lost in her thoughts about the young Englishman she had just seen and desperately trying to get to the check-in counter before the lines became increasingly long, Gina did not see the online check-in kiosk until she walked headfirst into it. Oh, this is not going very well, is it? She thought to herself as she struggled to get up. However, her large carry-on, still attached to her shoulder, was very heavy and pulled her back to the ground the first time she attempted to rise. Suddenly, a long, slender hand appeared in front of her.


“Come on up miss. Don’t be afraid, I won’t bite. Besides, look at what I found,” came the musical voice once again as the English stranger waved Gina’s passport in her face. She took the outstretched hand and rose as gracefully as she could.


“Thank you. I don’t know how I can be so clumsy. I am just in a hurry to get checked-in I guess. I don’t want to miss my flight,” she said softly.


“Where are you headed?” he asked


“To London. I’m flying with Continental, and you?”


“You’re going to London! I guess we’re on the same flight. I was just headed to the Continental counter. Come on, let’s check-in. Don’t worry, you’re not late. The plane doesn’t leave for two hours. There’s been a slight delay. I’m Adam by the way,” he said as they started walking toward the counter.


“I’m Gina. Are you from London? Your accent sounds very northern.”


“Well I live in London now. I moved there about two years ago. I was born and raised in Leeds though. You have a good ear, eh?” His eyes twinkled.

After they checked in, Adam looked at his watch. As they began walking toward their gate, he spotted a bagel shop.


“Well we’ve got at least an hour before boarding. Want to grab a cup of coffee or something?” he asked Gina.


“Sure, why not?” she responded. Gina suddenly realized she was ravenous. She had not eaten a thing that morning and her hectic rush to get checked-in had made her very hungry. After ordering and collecting their breakfast, Adam and Gina found a table next to the window, where they could watch the travelers pass by.


“So may I ask the purpose of your trip to London?” Adam asked curiously as he sipped his small over-priced cup of coffee that the server claimed was brewed from beans grown in the Blue Mountains of Jamaica.


“I’ve always wanted to visit. When I was in college, I wanted to study abroad in London…I’d always get the applications, but then I’d rethink it and decide I would be too homesick. I was supposed to go last summer, but I had to change my plans because of a wonderful opportunity I received. I told myself nothing would stop my visit this summer though, and here I am.”


“Well you picked a great time to visit. This is probably the best season to visit, although things are pricier. I’m not very fond of the weather in the England, and although you should expect rain, it is probably the least dreary season.”


“I know. I’ve got a few friends who all recommend I should visit during the summer. They are always complaining about the rain, but I don’t care. I love feeling the rain on my skin when it’s warm outside. It’s so refreshing…” Gina’s eyes glazed over as she contemplated how much she loved that particular aspect of the summer season. After a few moments, she realized Adam was looking at her with a small smile on his lips.


It’s also the only time I have off where I can spend an extended amount of time. You see, I’m a teacher, so I can’t really take off in the middle of the school year,” she quickly continued.
“Oh wow! My mum’s a teacher as well. What level do you teach?”

“Well, I’m licensed in the primary…” Gina’s voice trailed off as Adam’s cell phone began to ring.


“I’m sorry Gina, I must take this,” Adam apologized as he flipped his phone open.


“Hello?” Adam listened for a minute, then excused himself and stepped outside the shop. Gina’s eyes followed him as he paced in front of the window, apparently in a heated conversation. She seriously took in his good looks for the first time. He was quite tall, at least over six feet. His shiny black hair was kept short and spiky. Of course she couldn’t forget his bottomless green eyes which glittered like emeralds when he was in deep thought. She could tell he was athletic; his trim build was visible through his close fitting t-shirt and blue jeans. Just then Gina noticed he had caught her gazing at him. He flashed a bright white smile at her, and she felt her heart go pitter-patter. Gina grinned back at him as he hung up the phone and sauntered back into the shop.


“Thanks for waiting so patiently. So where were we?” Adam asked, as he smoothly slid into his seat.


“Hmm, I kind of forgot,” Gina admitted sheepishly.


“Did something distract you?” he asked wickedly. Gina blushed. She realized she was developing a tendre for this man she barely knew anything about, except for the fact that he was too attractive for his own good. He was also quite kind, offering to help her without any reason to do so, she reminded herself.


“What ever do you mean Adam? I was just thinking about my trip to London. How I should spend my time, you know?” She replied.


“And how do you plan to spend your time?”


“Well, there are so many things to do! I want to visit the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, the Globe Theatre, the London Eye…”


“All great places to see. So if I may so bold as to ask, no one special to see?” Adam inquired.


“Well I have an aunt, but I’ve never met her. I have some friends I definitely want to see as well. So how do you spend your day Adam?” she answered, evading his prodding question.


“I’m a social worker.”


“I see. When I was younger, I wanted to be a social worker. But everyone discouraged it saying it was a low-paying, highly stressful job.”


“That it is, but I like my job. I’ve always wanted to work with children. I expect you feel the same, as you’ve chosen to be a primary school teacher?” Adam asked. Gina nodded. She couldn’t believe her luck. This wonderful man was not only friendly and down to earth; he shared her passion for helping children and was handsome as sin to booth! Should I ask him to meet up in London? She wondered. Why not! It’s not like I will ever see this man again. What have I got to lose? An awkward flight, if he refuses, that’s all. Gathering her courage, Gina looked at Adam. He was gazing at her with a soft smile on his face.


“Adam?”


“Yes?”


“I was wondering, if, sometime, perhaps you would like to…” Gina trailed off as Adam stood up and beckoned to someone entering the shop. A tall, willowy woman strolled up to their table. She was absolutely gorgeous, possibly one of the most beautiful women Gina had ever seen. Her whitish blonde was long and straight, cascading down to about the middle of her back. Her slender frame was covered in a form-fitting black dress that screamed designer label. The woman tossed her beautiful locks, and smiled brightly at Adam and Gina.

“Adam, don’t just stand there gaping. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your little friend?” she asked in a clipped, very posh London accent. Who is she? Gina wondered as she attempted to smile back. Adam took the woman’s arm and looked at Gina.


“Gina, this lovely woman here is my wife, Susan.”


“Oh, Adam, really! I don’t look old enough to be a wife,” Susan replied airily. She continued, “Well, anyway, thank you for being a dear and keeping my husband company. Our summer holiday was brutally cut short. You see Adam’s grandmother has passed away and we must return sooner than expected for the funeral. Of course, he claims he is too shook up to do anything, so I had to take care of all our accounts and things before I could come here.”


“Oh…well I’m sorry to hear that,” Gina replied shocked. She looked at Adam questioningly. He had not mentioned a word of his grandmother’s death nor did he look as if he was in morning. Even more importantly, he had not mentioned he was married!


“All right Adam, let’s go. Our flight will be boarding soon,” Susan turned gracefully and began walking toward the exit.


“Thanks again,” She called casually as she strolled off. Adam smiled apologetically at Gina.


“That’s my wife. Thank you for the wonderful company Gina. I really must go. Perhaps I will see you on the plane. Take care.”


“Of course, take care. It was nice meeting you.” Gina gazed wistfully after him as Adam hurried to catch up to the stunning woman who was his wife. His wife! Why had it not occurred to her that such a wonderful man would be taken? she thought to herself. Just then an airport official began to make an announcement over the p.a. system.


“Attention all travelers! Continental flight 604 to London has been further delayed. Would all passengers flying Continental flight 604 please come to gate six in terminal C or return to the Continental check-in counter for more details.”


Following the announcement, Gina returned to the check-in counter and learned the flight had been canceled because of the weather in London. After being told she couldn’t get on a flight to London until the next day, Gina called her mother. On her way home, she made the decision to get out and enjoy the beautiful first day of summer to the best of her ability. She asked her mother to drop her off at the local park.


Strolling through the main entrance, Gina spotted several children at a home-made lemonade stand. Purchasing a cup, she took a sip of the cool refreshing juice. She loved freshly squeezed lemonade on a warm day and this was no exception. The sugary yet tangy taste of the lemonade languished on her tongue as she began a stroll down the bike path. It was a very warm and sunny day, but the light breeze kept it from being muggy. As she walked, her thoughts couldn’t help but turn to the dashing Englishman who had swept her off her feet just two hours before. Although, she had found the circumstance terribly unfair earlier, Gina smiled to herself. Ahhh, the elusiveness of summer love, she thought. Perhaps, tomorrow another opportunity would blossom.

My Sun-Bronzed Angel

Everything about you is soft,
And yet your hard lines are nothing but pure masculinity.
An object of desire,
with the appearance of an angel.

Your skinning is glowing,
As the sun ascends its slow dance across your face.
Your lips are soft,
As delicate as a new spring rose petal.

Between your sun-kissed locks,
And the aristocratic slope of your nose,
Your dark eyes are hidden,
Shrouding any evidence of your wicked playfulness.

The slender column of your neck,
Beckons my mouth closer.
My hands eager to glide across the length of your arms,
trailing down further.

As I lay my eyes on my sun-bronzed angel,
Contemplating the vision of beauty before me.
I'd like nothing more than to unbutton the pin-striped barrier,
That blocks my vision of what lies beneath.

An Ode to the Black Curtain

Enveloping me in your shroud,
Your silky texture caresses my face.
Softly brushing my shoulders,
You hang languidly down my back.

Rich, thick, and shiny,
Obsidian threads of different lengths.
You glimmer with an almost purplish hue,
Beckoning others to gaze upon you.

Flowing in gentle steps,
You cascade down an unworthy slope.
Strands of silky onyx,
Rippling like waves on a moonless night.

You are my crown of natural beauty,
Hiding my imperfections.
Your magnificence attracts the stare of many,
Yet the woman beneath you is invisible.

You are the black curtain,
Sheilding me from intruding eyes.
Flying freely as the wind blows through,
Protecting this fragile one.

Dearest crowning glory,
How I adore the case you weave.

Untitled

I loved you once,
An incredible love it was.
You broke my hear many times,
But what you did last was unjust.

I thought I'd love you forever,
You said you would make me your wife.
How easily you would betray me,
Sadly, I did not realize.

It was too late,
I fell too hard, too fast.
I was left a lonely girl,
Whose only wish was for her love to last.

My Heart's Song

He is alive in my heart,
A stranger in my dreams.
I knew him once,
And I know he is all I'll ever need.

When I think of him,
My heart sings a song.
No matter how much I dream,
Most people still think our love is wrong.

When I lay down to sleep,
I can feel him touching my soul so very deep.
There will never be another like him,
Because for him only, my heart weeps.

He was my best friend and my lover,we only got once chance,
But all I ask of God is for another.

No one listens to my spirit's whispers,
Only I know how much, for him, my soul longs.
No one can understand,
Until they listen to my heart's song.

Unfaithful

You are no longer desired in my heart,
The unfaithful bastard says as he casts his net.
His love has a new fixation,
Himself.

Words

Never will you know the state,
The state you left me in last night.
Supposedly my best friend,
You left me and I cried.

Hot tears streaming down my face,
Burning, blistering my skin.
I tried to tell you,
But you wouldn’t listen.

You heard my words of course,
In my mind, they were begging you to stay.
My voice held so much meaning,
Yet all you heard was “yes, goodnight, okay.”

Words, just words, that’s all I needed to hear,
But I was left empty, alone in despair.

My False Image

When you gaze upon me,
You see a pretty girl.
With her sparkling eyes and white smile,
A dark-haired beauty beckons you.

Oh how I wish I was an iridescent goddess,
Able to compete with the women of your past.
Yet in reality I fade into nothingness,
Jealously bemoaning that ghost of an image.

I feel grotesquely inadequate,
How could you find this shell desirable?
A drab, empty woman,
My deceiving facade fading away.

I am terrified of you seeing me,
All of my blemishes in plain view.
What will you think of me?
This frightful creature, a nightmare no doubt!

Your vision destroyed,
You will wonder who she is.
This plain, now invisible girl,
Who pretended she was beautiful.

I longed for you approval,
Begging for a kind word.
Many times I said to you,
Tell me something good about me.

You did not know the cause of my insecurity,
How could you, with that false image?
A picture's worth a thousand words,
Yet that picture hides a multitude of flaws.

As the days go on,
My sense of inadequacy grows.
How could you ever want this token image,
Knowing I will never meet your expectations?

Adonis

An intense stare, almost manical,
And yet just a leisurely gaze.
His eyes are deep black pools,
Brimming with promise, yet filled with mystery.

Oh Adonis, how the length of my body longs to be caressed,
By the light shining from the expressive windows of your soul.
Those sinfully deep pools,
drawing me into questionable, yet inviting depths.

Sensuously smooth, and yet, thin,
As pink as a fresh morning rose.
The elegant dark trim,
Forming a shadow across his tender, yeilding lips.

Oh Adonis, how I long to taste your lips against mine,
Feeling the thrust of your silvery tongue,
Struggling to break past the glowing white barricade,
And claiming your conquest, this kiss of mine.

A black silken mass, shimmering,
An almost translucent hue encasing it.
His soft wavy hair stands tall,
Begging for my fingers to glide through.

Oh Adonis, how I long to wade my fingers through,
Your jet black hair, glittering in the moonlight.
Stroking your fair, peachy skin,
Adoring every inch of your masculinity.

Your beauty mark mirrors mine,
And yet you are so unlike me.
In many ways we are water and oil,
And yet we are dreamers, two of a kind.

Stand tall my imaginary soldier,
the man I created in my dreams.
Never did I dream that my dream would exist.
Oh Adonis, how I long for you.

Witch Eyes

Witch eyes follow him,
Chasing him across a lonely plain.
Gazing at his quickly fading shadow,
She stands, shivering in the rain.

Her mind is screaming silently,
Furiously commanding his return.
She touches her tear-stained cheeks,
Wiping away the sting and the burn.

She turns away sharply,
Spitting out words of disdain.
This man thinks he's her world,
Her one-way ticket on the heaven bound train.

This is not the first night,
He's left her in such misery.
Does he think her some prisoner,
One who must prove herself worthy?

This ain't no Gitmo,
She screams into the night.
Nor is this Salem,
Or do my witch eyes inspire such fright?